Normal roles and relationships

A role is a socially accepted behavior pattern. People tend to establish their identities and to describe themselves based on the roles they play in life. Man, woman, husband, wife, adult, senior citizen, parent, child, son, daughter, student, teacher, doctor, nurse, worker, and housewife are some common roles. People play many roles over a lifetime and often must attempt to play several roles simultaneously.

Roles are identified, defined, and given value by the society in which a person lives. Each member of society learns the status of various roles and learns to expect certain behaviors, symbols, and relationships that are acceptable for each role. These behaviors, symbols, and relationship patterns can differ widely, depending on the values and norms of the society in which the individual lives. The value assigned by society indicates the status of each role. Those in high-status roles generally possess more privileges and receive more rewards. For example, modern society gives bosses higher status than employees; teachers higher status than students; employed persons higher status than unemployed persons; and younger, more productive members of society higher status than older, retired members.

Relationships are connections formed by the dynamic interaction of individuals who play interrelated roles. Most people develop a wide range of relationships within their families, at work, and during day-to-day social activities. The way individuals occupying each role interact with each other describes their relationships. Relationships can be short or long-term, personal or impersonal, intimate or superficial. Relationships change over time and are affected by the role changes of the people involved.

Each culture and subculture sets standards for designated roles and relationships. People in various roles or relationships are expected to behave in accord with accepted standards, which include things such as the amount and type of clothing or jewelry that are appropriate. Standards specify the type of housing, the means of transportation, and even the type and amount of food consumed. Standards specify how individuals in the culture relate to each other in social and work situations. For example, the role perception for a middle-class American businessman is that he is expected to wear a suit and tie with minimal jewelry, live in an apartment or house in the suburbs, drive a conventional car, eat healthful meals, show up for work on time, and show respect to the boss. If this businessman showed up late for work in jeans and a sweatshirt, wearing an earring and riding a motorcycle, and then later eating a hamburger and telling the boss not to “bug” him, most people would be shocked. Yet this same behavior is not considered atypical for a college student—even one who is studying to be a businessman.

A simple, or homogeneous, society is one in which all members share a common historical and cultural experience. There is little confusion or conflict in a homogeneous social system because the symbols, behaviors, and relationships are perceived in the same way by all members of the society. Everyone knows the accepted roles and how people in each role are expected to relate to each other. Therefore, there is little question and few problems with regard to role or relationship expectations.

A more complex, or heterogeneous, society is one in which the members of many diverse subcultures with different historical and cultural experiences must interact. These subcultures may have their origin in race, religion, ethnic heritage, or age. Because subcultures do not share the same experiences, their symbols, behaviors, roles, and relationships are not perceived in the same way by all members of the larger society. Roles and role expectations are not always clear, and this lack of shared perceptions often leads to misunderstandings, confusion, and conflict.

The American culture is very heterogeneous and is becoming even more so. Problems are likely to occur when people with different role and relationship perceptions are required to interact with each other. The greater the differences in role perceptions, role symbols, and role relationships, the greater the likelihood that cross-cultural misunderstandings will occur. This explains the confusion or stress many people experience when they interact with individuals of different ages or from different cultural backgrounds. It also explains why a person who was raised in a specific culture is more comfortable with similar individuals and finds it difficult to establish close relationships with people from different cultural backgrounds. Furthermore, it explains why people of different ages may have difficulty understanding each other. The diversity of the population contributes to the prevalence of role and relationship problems in contemporary American society.

However, this is not the only role or relationship issue people face. In addition to the interpersonal conflict or confusion seen in modern society, individuals can also experience internal role conflict and confusion. Problems occur when the demands of multiple roles and relationships must be met at the same time, particularly when the expectations of one role conflict with those of another. For example, a woman today is often expected to be wife, mother, and employee. She may be expected to keep up the home, prepare meals, supervise the children, be active in school or community programs, be a social and sexual companion to her spouse, and be a productive worker—capable of doing everything, while working with everyone, and always arriving on time with a smile on her face. Unless today’s woman is superwoman, she is bound to fall short of someone’s expectations.

Most people occupy multiple roles and develop a variety of relationships throughout their lives. People think of themselves and establish their identities in terms of their roles and relationships. If you ask people to describe themselves, you typically receive a list of roles or relationships (e.g., mother, engineer and supervisor) rather than a list of personal characteristics.

Because people form their self-image based on their roles and relationships, they are likely to have difficulty accepting changes in either. Our identity and sense of self are threatened when roles are lost and the relationships associated with those roles change. The longer the role was held and the more intense the relationships, the greater the grief will be. When a person’s role changes, the symbols and indicators of role and status also change. Loss of symbols or status is often as painful as the loss of the role. People may grieve a change of role or loss of relationship as much as they grieve the loss of a loved one.

Roles, relationships, and aging

The longer a person occupies a particular role, the more familiar and, consequently, more comfortable the person becomes with it. The more comfortable people are in their roles and relationships, the harder it is to adjust to changes.

Older adults must adjust to many predictable role and relationship changes associated with aging, including retirement, altered relationships with adult children, changes in housing, loss of valued possessions, loss of friends resulting from relocation or death, loss of a spouse to death, loss of health, and loss of independence. All of these changes and losses are potentially traumatic to older adults.

Some older adults resent the fact that society forces them to retire. Age 65 was once the typical retirement age, but that is no longer the case. This change has occurred partially because of financial reasons, but also because many older people do not want to retire. Many of these people feel that they would lose too much of their identity if they retired. They say, “I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t work.” Older persons who do retire may adjust well or poorly, depending on the adequacy of their other roles to keep them satisfied. In general, the more roles and relationships a person develops at younger ages, the better his or her ability to adjust will be when some of those roles and relationships are lost.

When an occupational role no longer exists, the individual often grieves its loss. Many people look forward to retirement, but once retired find that they miss both the status that role gave them and the interaction with other people. They often resent the fact that they are no longer viewed as productive, contributing members of society. They are no longer lawyers, plumbers, nurses, or teachers; they are just retired people.

The Baby Boomer generation may revise this view of roles and retirement. Perhaps the fact that many have changed jobs and even careers several times during their working years has given them a different perspective on what they can do with the rest of their lives. Either from desire or necessity, 83% of this cohort plan to keep working after retirement. Some need to continue to work because of loss of pensions or retirement investments due to downturn in the economy. Others want to work and “try something new” or “stay active and engaged.” Many expect to never fully retire and plan to work as long as their health permits. A significant number of those who are not interested in employment plan to volunteer, travel or seek other outlets for their energy.

To maintain a connection with those who are still employed, many retired older adults continue to think of themselves as a part of their occupation. A nurse remains a nurse for life, a plumber remains a plumber, and so on. Even if they have not worked in the occupation for years, most older persons continue to identify with their previous occupational roles. This may be particularly obvious in older adult professionals (e.g., physicians, lawyers, professors and ministers) who never stop using their titles. Many expect to retain the same status level and respect as was paid to them when they were actively employed and are highly insulted if this respect is not forthcoming.

There are some roles from which a person cannot officially “retire.” Homemaker is one such role. Older persons who have spent the largest part of their lives managing a home—doing the cooking, cleaning, sewing, and other duties required of a homemaker—may feel lost when they are forced by circumstances of ill health or finances to give up the home. Many older adult homemakers (primarily women) have few other roles and feel a great sense of loss when institutionalized. Those who took the time to develop hobbies or social interests and relationships outside of the home tend to adapt better than do those who had no interests other than their homes.

Older adults do not give up the role of parent just because their children are adults. The role of parent is usually identified as being self-sufficient and in control. Role conflict and altered family relationships are likely to occur when older adults attempt to continue to direct their children’s behavior long after the children are adults or when the parents lose the ability to function independently and are forced to become dependent on their children. Successful adjustment to changes in the parenting role is difficult and requires a great deal of patience, tact, and accommodation on the part of all family members. Families who have a history of altered parenting or poorly developed family relationships are likely to have serious problems, often leading to abuse or isolation of the older person from his or her family.

In addition to being the parent of adult children, many older adults are grandparents. The role of grandparent is often described as being much more pleasant than that of being a parent. As one grandmother said, “I can have all of the fun and enjoyment of children without the responsibility.” Another grandmother replied, “Yes, it’s nice when they come to visit, but it’s also nice when you can send them home.”

Many older persons have occupied the role of spouse for 30, 40, or 50 or more years. With the death of a partner, these persons are deprived of a significant role and relationship. Marriage is one of the most personal and intimate relationships. A successful long-term marriage requires a great deal of effort; the loss of this intensely personal relationship triggers a high level of emotional distress. Many widowed older adults experience severe grief and social isolation as a result of the loss. They describe themselves as feeling as though a part of them is missing, of feeling half-alive. Many widows and widowers find their grief so overwhelming that they cannot even continue to perform normal activities of daily living.

The loss of friends due to relocation or death also results in changed social roles and relationships. Many activities require more than one person to be fun. Many older adults have formed friendships or social groups over the years. As more and more of the members move away or die, the older person is likely to become increasingly socially isolated. Older persons who outlive their families and friends often feel that their lives are without purpose.

Many older adults change housing arrangements out of choice or necessity. The house may be too big, too expensive, or too difficult to maintain. This is particularly true when the health of one or both occupants fails or when a widow is unable to keep up the home after loss of the spouse. Moving to smaller accommodations commonly necessitates the sale or distribution of personal possessions accumulated over a lifetime. This loss of possessions makes the process of moving even more traumatic for older adults. In some ways, they are “giving away” their lives.

Loss of health and independence are probably the most traumatic losses because they involve changes in the very essence of who people are. When older adults lose health and independence, they lose control over their own destiny. They are at the mercy of others (either family or strangers) for care and sustenance.

As previously discussed, societies establish and define the boundaries of various roles. Individuals are judged by how well they understand and comply with their assigned roles. “Old person” is a role that has many connotations and expected behaviors. In contemporary American society, an ageist definition of the role of older adults would include adjectives such as helpless, infirm, cranky, and useless. Some older adults accept this stereotype and act the part. However, more and more older adults are continuing in productive roles and maintaining successful relationships well into their eighties and nineties. Indeed, it is expected that the Baby Boom generation will try to reinvent aging and break the old stereotypes. Just as they have challenged societal norms from early youth, Baby Boomers are likely to redefine the meaning and intent of life’s later years. Old age has been called the “roleless role,” a time in which many of the things that gave meaning to life are gone. However, the role is not the person—and the person is more than the sum of the roles played. If Baby Boomers are able to find ways to maintain a sense of purpose and growth into old age, they will have accomplished a remarkable feat.

Nursing Process for Dysfunctional Grieving

Grief is a strong emotion. It is a combination of sorrow, loss, and confusion that comes when someone or something of value is lost. This reaction can come in response to the loss of a person, role, relationship, health, or independence.