Make the Right Comparisons; Set the Right Goals

The absolute worst thing you can do is compare yourself to others. There are always going to be people out there who are better than you in some ways. So what? No one can be best at everything. In the same vein, you are going to be better at some things than others. Comparisons with other people are very flimsy platforms for self-esteem.

Rather than comparing yourself with others, compare your present self with your former self. Are you getting better? Do you have a plan to improve your life and circumstances so that you have a brighter future? Instead of trying to impress or seek the approval of others, try to impress yourself. You are the person who cares most about you anyway.

As you learned in Chapter 8, setting realistic goals is the path to a better life and improved self-esteem. If you know what you want to achieve in life, and you feel you are working on a plan to achieve those goals, your self-esteem will rise. Visualize a future full of meaning, success, and satisfaction. Imagine it as richly as you can, using all your senses to think about all the areas of your life. Do not let past failures and disappointments interfere with your opinion of yourself. Those mistakes are over and should be used as learning opportunities. Move on. If you embrace the present—the only place where you can be effective—and take actions that move you closer to the future that you envision and desire, you will have positive self-esteem.

Edit Your Self-Talk

You know your self-talk, that inner chatterbox that just won’t keep quiet? Is your self-talk supportive, or critical? If your self-talk kicks you when you’re down, or if you are harsher with yourself than you would be with others, improve it by changing your beliefs about yourself. Recast your beliefs. Beliefs, including those about yourself, are learned, so choose positive beliefs. Reframe and recast negative beliefs into positive ones.

Like any habit, self-talk can be changed if necessary. The first step is to notice what you are telling yourself and start looking for patterns.

If you are giving yourself positive self-talk, that’s great. Keep it up. If you detect a strain of negative self-talk, however, cut it out immediately. Say “Stop!” out loud or silently to yourself. This is called thought-stopping, and it forces you to recognize and interrupt bad self-talk. Now that you have interrupted your negative self-talk, you can analyze it and change it.

Reword your negative self-talk to make it less powerful. Just as you would call pain “discomfort” to help lessen the severity when speaking to a patient, soften the words you use in your own self-talk. If you make a mistake and start silently criticizing yourself, just tell yourself that you made a mistake. That way, you simply acknowledge making a mistake. You will have moved your self-talk from being negative to being neutral.

Turning a negative self-assessment into a neutral one is important. To take things a step further, see if you can turn it into a bit of positive self-talk. “I made a mistake, and I’m going to learn from this mistake so I don’t make it again.” Look for the positive side of a negative situation.

How you feel is determined mostly by what you are consciously thinking and talking to yourself about. In other words, your self-talk determines your mood.

Know Yourself, Love Yourself

Is it wrong to love yourself? Do you deserve to be happy and successful? Do you give yourself permission to celebrate your accomplishments?

Certainly, self-love can have an ugly side if it veers toward narcissism or arrogance. A strong sense of self-esteem is always best when tempered with humility and modesty. However, never be afraid to give yourself the gift of love. How can the love you give to others be meaningful and genuine if you can’t extend it to yourself? Recognize your strengths and give yourself credit for them. Develop them and keep track of your achievements.

What about your weaknesses? We all have limitations. We can all work to minimize the effects of these limitations, but in doing so, we have to accept them and move on. Let’s concentrate on our strengths and learn to laugh at our limitations. Most importantly, don’t invent limitations through negative self-talk and false beliefs.

Build the Positive into Your Daily Life

Nurturing your self-esteem is a daily struggle. You are constantly being evaluated, challenged, and offered feedback you may not even want. Pursuing actions every day that support your positive self-esteem will help you accept and process criticism.

For starters, make it a point to associate with positive people. Humans need social interaction and acceptance, and you can make this an extremely positive part of your daily life if you choose who you spend your time with. Avoid the “Debbie Downers” out there by surrounding yourself with positive people.

When you are alone, take time to make yourself feel good. Meditate. Practice yoga. Detach yourself from your daily stressors, even it means stepping into a quiet room or taking some deep breaths. The more you know how to protect yourself from stress, the better you will feel about yourself.

Project confidence with your body language. To feel confident, act as if you are confident. A confident mindset is the strongest pathway to actually achieving healthy self-esteem.

Finally, accept praise and criticism with a simple “Thank you.” Even those who criticize you are giving you something to think about. They might be off base, but simply smile, thank them, and say you will give some thought to the help they are offering. When you receive a compliment, a simple thank you acknowledges the kind comment. Put the praise in your gratitude journal.

Challenge Yourself

Nobody improves without challenging themselves. We must all challenge ourselves to become better people. When you accomplish something challenging, you raise your self-esteem. Think about playing a sport. If you play against someone who is much worse than you, you won’t get better. By the same token, if you play against someone who is better than you, you will improve your game. This philosophy applies to any activity or role. You learn best from those who are more advanced than you, so seek these people out when you want to improve your abilities and your self-esteem.

Once your efforts to improve your self-esteem start to pay off, begin developing skills to layer on top of your confidence. Assertiveness, for example, is a great skill to expand. Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive or defensive. Rather, it is simply sticking up for yourself, for others, and for the issues you care about. Of course, there is a proper time and place for asserting yourself. You should defend yourself when something is at stake, such as your self-esteem. You should also use assertiveness to defend the policies and rules of your workplace, the safety and professionalism of your practice, and the standards of behavior you expect from co-workers and clients.

Fear is one enemy of self-esteem. Although some fears are real, most are irrational. Consider ways you could increase your self-esteem at work if you weren’t being held back by fears. To test a fear, challenge it. Most fears, when challenged, disappear or at least recede. If you fear approaching strangers, you will usually find that new people are not as scary as you thought if you challenge your fear. Perhaps you fear public speaking, a particular medical procedure, or aggressive co-workers. Once you identify a fear that is holding you back, make a plan to confront the fear and master the behavior. You will be more effective at your job and possess a solid level of positive self-esteem. When you step outside of your comfort zone, it will feel a little dangerous at first, but persist. “Fake it until you make it,” and soon your comfort zone will open up.

Make Positive Connections

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Rather, needing help and not asking for it is weak. Health professionals are usually eager to share their expertise when asked. When you ask for help, you receive assistance with your immediate problem and strengthen a relationship with your co-worker.

Relationships are a source of self-esteem. Attend as many social events with co-workers as you can. Treat meetings as an opportunity to strengthen relationships. Meet co-workers you don’t already know and try to engage in some activity with them. Try to connect with your patients using a smile, body language, eye contact, and active listening. By helping others, you receive help in the form of recog-nition, acknowledgement, respect, appreciation, and gratitude—all great things for building self-esteem.

How Irrational Thoughts Form Misbeliefs

When anxiety is not addressed in the moment, it can leave you with an irrational bias that affects your professional behavior. For example, a medical assistant may avoid screaming children due to a stressful interaction. He may develop an unfounded belief, such as, “I’m not good with children. I always make them cry.” However, the health professional didn’t necessarily cause the outburst and it doesn’t mean that the same reaction will happen every time. Always take time to challenge the original negative thought before it develops into a bias.

Sometimes, when a profound incident occurs, we develop stories to justify why we perceived the event as negative instead of neutral. For example, almost every medical office assistant will encounter a patient who is upset about a billing error sooner or later. One will handle the situation and not attach any meaning to it, but another one might avoid handling any future billing questions, because he or she thinks, “I always mess up patients’ accounts. Someone who is better at math should handle billing questions.”

For example, suppose a patient vomited after a dental assistant took x-rays of his teeth. The assistant may believe that she caused the patient to gag and vomit, and therefore is not good at taking x-rays. This, in turn, causes her to avoid taking x-rays of patients, which creates hardships for her co-workers.

Avoidance limits your usefulness on the job and creates obstacles to your progress.

Stay updated, free articles. Join our Telegram channel

Join