Look for Patterns in Your Family History

One way to gain insight into your longstanding behavior patterns is to examine your family history. Specifically, what “invisible” role do you play in your family? What did your family think of you when you were growing up? Were you the responsible one? Were you the angry, resentful one? Were you the perfect child? Were you the rebel? If you can answer this question honestly, you have come a long way toward gaining insight into your behavior patterns. Box 11-1 offers some deeply ingrained patterns related to families. Do you recognize one or more of these in yourself?

You might think especially about your relationship with your parents. Did you try to please them? Did you lack respect for them? Were you always disagreeing or fighting with them? Was one of them absent? For many people, their boss is a psychological surrogate for their parents. Do you see parallels between the way you treated your parents and the way you treat your supervisor?

These lifelong family patterns and roles can be so deeply ingrained in people that they automatically retreat to them in times of stress. It can be difficult to escape lifelong patterns while under the pressures of work.

Triggers that Cause Personal Problems to Spill Over at Work

Work conditions and circumstances can resonate with your personal problems or remind you of them in ways that make you feel emotional. Perhaps a difficult person at work reminds you of a difficult person at home, and work seems like a continuation of your complicated personal life. In caring for a sick child, you might be reminded of the emotional attachments you have with your own child. If a co-worker treats you in a demeaning manner, or a patient is hostile toward you, it may take all your effort to avoid reacting as you would if you were confronted with the same behavior at home. Conversely, in today’s economy, it is natural for these issues to trigger anxieties or arguments you are experiencing at home.

When Work Problems Cause Personal Problems

Just as work can be a therapeutic refuge from your personal problems, you can see home as a refuge from work problems. Usually, you cannot address work problems when you are not at work. You can only worry about work problems when you are not there. If you can, learn to use your commute as an effective transition period. Try to wrap up the problems of the work day and put them in the back of your mind. Look forward to your home environment, even if it has its own problems.

Many people think the problems of work–life balance are caused by having too little time at home. However, it is usually an issue of attention. When you are home, give your personal life your complete and undivided attention. You will be more effective psychologically as an agent of change and progress in your personal life if you can simply be fully and mentally present by the time you arrive home. If you have children, they can tell if you are psychologically present. Whatever relationships you have at home, whether partners, roommates, or family members, they will benefit from your total attention. Ironically, when you can be totally engaged, whether you are at work or at home, you will have fewer problems in either place.

Finally, what if your boss demands your total commitment to work, and ignores the demands placed on you outside of work? You have two options. You can set limits on your work demands and educate your supervisor about the importance of work–life balance. If that proves unrealistic, you can find another employer who will see you as a person serving many roles in life. Fortunately, most health care employees understand the importance of balancing work and personal life. Trying to address the needs of your boss and the demands of your personal life simultaneously can lead to burnout.

Performance Improvement Plans

Usually, problem employees will have an opportunity to rectify their behavior to avoid termination. They will be presented with a “performance improvement plan,” often called a “PIP.” Usually crafted in a collaboration between the employee’s manager and the Human Resources Department (if there is one), the PIP will identify the problem behavior, prescribe expected behavioral improvements, and establish a deadline for progress, usually 30 or 60 days. Figure 11-1 shows a confidential discussion in which a manager places an employee on a PIP.

Performance improvement plans are confidential and serve as serious warnings. Employers do not want to spend their time micromanaging problem employees. They would rather inspire and motivate positive employees.

For some employees, a PIP serves as a wake-up call. They may be astounded that their behavior has gotten so out of control that it has come to this, and deeply search within themselves to address the issue.

Terminations

Employees in the vast majority of the United States are considered by the law to be “employees at will.” That means as long as employers don’t discriminate against you or treat you unfairly, they reserve the right to terminate you at any time. In most cases, people who lose their jobs are eligible for a certain amount of unemployment compensation. However, a person fired for reckless behavior cannot receive unemployment compensation.