Positive self-talk

Chapter 22


Positive self-talk



Objectives



1. Define self-talk and its influence on behavior


2. Discuss the relationship between self-talk and interpersonal communication


3. Discuss the use of affirmations as a strategy to create positive self-talk


4. Practice positive self-talk to develop confidence in communication skills and nursing practice





Definition of self-talk


Have you noticed that we have an ongoing internal dialogue? We speak to ourselves and we listen to ourselves. Self-talk is not unlike the conversation that occurs between two people. Self-talk is also known as inner thought, inner speech, self-instruction, or that “little voice” in your head that forms a self-communication system. In an in-depth review of the self-talk literature, Hardy delineates self-talk as instructional or motivational (2006). Self-talk can be rational, based on reasoning, logic, or facts, or irrational. It can be positive, offering encouragement or praise, or negative, offering discouragement and criticism (Mayo Clinic, 2009). What you tell yourself can affect your health. In a study by Levy and colleagues (2002) people who said they had positive views about aging lived an average of 7.6 years longer than those who had negative views.


A familiar childhood story tells us that this skill is time tested. Remember The Little Engine That Could, the tale of an old train that was being replaced by a shiny new model? The new train refused to climb a steep hill to deliver toys to the children (Piper, 1998). The old train met the challenge with positive self-talk. He repeated, “I think I can . . . I think I can . . . I think I can,” and sure enough, he was successful. A search indicates that this well-loved children’s story goes back to 1910. We have been encouraging our children to use positive self-talk for many years.


Casual remarks made unintentionally by those around us can become self-prophecies. In response to the book, What Do You Say When You Talk to Yourself?, which sold more than a million copies, thousands of letters were sent to the author by readers who related that they had believed something totally false about themselves throughout their lives based on something someone else had said (Helmsetter, 1990). Turkington (1998) calls negative self-talk the “evil within” and points out that we would seldom talk to others the way we talk to ourselves.


Cognitive psychologists have learned that internal dialogue has a powerful influence on our behavior. Our thoughts are our interpretations of the world, our judgments about our own behavior, and our assumptions about others’ reactions to us. Our feelings are directly influenced by our thoughts, and how we construe our world provides the blueprint for our actions. It is not what is happening to us that is so significant, but how we interpret what is happening to us and what we do under the influence of these thoughts.


For any situation or interpersonal encounter we have, our self-talk determines the following:



It is important that our internal dialogue be in our own best interests, because it is a continuous and powerful influence on our well-being and performance. Cognitive psychologists believe our internal dialogue causes problems when it is irrational, unrealistic, or ineffective (Ellis and Powers, 1998).


Our internal dialogue can be constructive or destructive. Take as a simple example a person whose mother has always told her that she is clumsy. Because she believes it to be so, the woman’s self-talk is not positive. She says, “I’m so clumsy. I’m always bruising myself.” She finds that she truly seems to be clumsy. When she changes her self-talk to “I am graceful and move easily and carefully,” however, her awkwardness decreases.


Following are several clinical examples of positive and negative self-talk. As you read the examples, think about their possible effects on the nurses in the situation.


Tanya and Deirdre are nursing students in their senior year. As they anticipate their forthcoming clinical placements in a public health department, these thoughts go through their minds:




Tanya has set herself up for an unhappy and unfruitful clinical placement. Her negative thoughts about the director have entrenched the notion that she will be miserable in the public health rotation. This negative self-talk is destructive. Thinking the way she does, Tanya will likely act defensively and be so on edge that she will make a mistake. Her attitude will probably isolate her from friendly sources of support from the staff.



Deirdre has mentally prepared herself for a happy and rewarding clinical experience. Her interpretation of the excellence of the nursing care makes her keen to observe the nurses and reap the benefits of their experience. Her positive self-talk sets her up to risk interacting with the staff, and she will most likely get a lot out of the experience.


Our self-talk goes on continuously in our heads and is so automatic that we have to listen carefully to hear whether it is exerting a negative or positive influence on our feelings and behavior. If we want to have control of this habitual process, we need to listen to our thoughts, decide how we want to change, and systematically convert our thinking so that it influences our behavior in the intended direction.


Here is an example of a typical situation many student nurses encounter in the clinical area. As you read the scenario, put yourself in the position of the student nurse and write down your reactions.


You are a nursing student just entering your senior year after your summer vacation. To date, your clinical experience has been on the specialty units of your hospital: ophthalmology, gynecology, and the day-stay surgical unit. You are assigned to the intensive care unit and will be working with more complicated equipment. You are sure the patients will think you are clumsy and are afraid you’ll make a terrible mistake. You hear that the staff is discouraged because they have to cut back hours temporarily due to budget problems. You know the unit has a full census of clients, and you fear the staff will not have the time or energy to help you. Your clinical instructor told you the staff is looking forward to having the students, because last year’s seniors were so eager to learn.


After you have written your reactions, put the list aside for the moment and review the following example of Suzanne’s negative self-talk as she encounters the same situation.



Suzanne’s self-talk is destructive. It is escalating her anxiety and focusing on all the things that could possibly go wrong. Suzanne is drowning in a flood of catastrophic thinking. With a mindset like hers, she will be tuned into anything negative and may force a self-fulfilling prophecy. Her self-talk dismisses any self-confidence and makes her anxious before, and likely during, the experience.


Take a moment to write down a constructive internal dialogue that Suzanne could use in the same situation.


Here is an example of positive self-talk for Suzanne. Compare your suggestions with this example.



Suzanne: “This is going to be difficult. There’s a lot of new equipment to learn, but I know the prediction is that most inpatient beds will be in critical care, and I plan to work in a hospital. I need to learn this. This experience might help me get a good recommendation. Everyone has to learn something new sometime. I’m bright, and I’ll just make it a point to let the staff know I’m eager to learn. This is the best time to learn to deal with dying patients. These nurses have so much experience. I’m sure they can give me some help if I ask them how they cope. I know I can do this. The staff nurses know that I’m a student and will not expect miracles from me. They will be glad for the contribution I can make to the unit. I must find out more about the unit from Betty so that I can prepare myself as much as possible for the experience.”


This self-talk is constructive. Suzanne’s internal dialogue in this example is realistic and hopeful. By acknowledging her assets, Suzanne will go onto the unit feeling confident. She is likely to approach the staff in a friendly way, eager for new opportunities. Thinking about her situation as a challenge provides Suzanne with a positive goal for her career as a nurse. By deciding to seek out information beforehand, she is increasing her chances of success.


Now go back to your own internal dialogue that you generated earlier in this exercise. Determine whether it is positive or negative. Does your self-talk work in your best interests, or is it potentially destructive?



Positive self-talk: assertive and responsible


The previous examples demonstrate how self-talk can be harmful or helpful to us. Positive self-talk is helpful because it emphasizes our strengths and our ability to handle the situations confronting us. This mental preparation makes us feel hopeful and confident. We have the right to feel good about how we handle situations we encounter, and positive self-talk is one technique we can use to ensure that our rights are realized. It is assertive to keep our internal dialogue positive.


Positive self-talk is not unrealistic or wishful thinking. It involves an accurate assessment of our abilities and the situation we are facing. Not having the knowledge or skills to effectively handle an interpersonal situation is no reason to think less of ourselves or to put ourselves down. Admitting our lack of experience and acknowledging our willingness and ability to learn realistically prepare us to tackle the situation. This positive kind of mental assessment is responsible, because it takes into account the facts of the situation. Mentally putting ourselves down or discrediting our abilities is not responsible thinking.


Butler (2008) warns us that when our self-talk is negative, we are carrying around a toxic environment for ourselves everywhere we go. Negative self-talk is harsh and judgmental, demanding superheroic achievements, chastising us for failing, and generally making us feel tense and dissatisfied with ourselves. Butler encourages us to develop a positive, supportive way of talking to ourselves to cushion us from negative events. Chapman (1992) comments that “positive people are far more likely than others to face up to problems, make tough decisions, and refuse to look back.” He says that those with a positive outlook are often mistaken for people who just let things happen as if by fate. “Not so! Positive people often have more problems, because they take more risks and live life more fully.”



imageMoments of Connection. . .


Moving from “Not One More Patient” to “Make Time for Joy”


“Let’s get this over with,” the nurse thought to herself. After 15 hours of a 24-hour on-call day in the postanesthesia care unit (PACU) with only a brief break, the nurse was dreading the “one more” case, a dislocated hip. Expecting a long recovery time and an admission to the short-stay unit, the nurse was surprised to learn that the client was young, the procedure would be short, and he would be dismissed as an ambulatory client. The nurse was tired and crabby and wanted to “get this over with.” After talking with the family, the nurse learned that they had all been headed to a special event: Mom and Dad’s 50th anniversary party. They were to have had photos taken. Instead they missed the photo appointment and had to eat in the hospital cafeteria. The nurse was instantly humbled and got to work to create a celebration. The family was invited into the PACU, and the staff made punch and retrieved an instant camera from the operating room to take pictures. What a mental shift. This was an opportunity to remember that joy can come when you least expect it!



Becoming aware of our self-talk is the first step to discovering if it is in our best interests. Learning how to change our self-talk starts with such an assessment. Butler (2008) suggests we ask ourselves the following questions:



The answers to these questions can indicate times when our thinking works in our best interests and times when it does not. This assessment alerts us to whether we need to change our self-talk. Whenever you feel overwhelmed by negative self-talk and the accompanying anxiety, consider the thought-stopping technique of silently yelling to yourself, “Stop!” to interrupt the barrage and derail your negative thinking.


The next step is to specify how we need to change our internal dialogue so that it is more positive. At first this planning will require considerable effort, but then it will become part of our awareness, enabling us to tune in to our internal dialogue and adjust it quickly. Later in this chapter you will get experience in reformulating self-talk.

Related posts:

  1. Expressing opinions
  2. Humor
  3. Spirituality
  4. Warmth

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Oct 26, 2016 | Posted by in NURSING | Comments Off on Positive self-talk

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