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Petty Complaints and Trivial Whining: No Tolerance Here
Many nurses reported low tolerance for people’s complaints and an impatience on returning home. Some called this “having a shorter fuse” after returning to U.S. soil. After seeing horrendous injuries, they grew weary of trivial whining, people with a sense of entitlement, and those who seem to never be happy or satisfied with anything. Most returning nurses reported having a greater appreciation for life in the United States and the creature comforts of home. Some said other people’s dissatisfaction and loud rhetoric about seemingly trivial things rubbed against the fabric of the nurses’ appreciation for all that we have in the United States.
We chose the following 10 vignettes that are a reflection of what many of the other 25 participants experienced upon their return home after deployment. In addition to petty complaints and trivial whining, the nurses commented on a general sense of inflexibility and occasional rudeness on the part of others. Examples included being rushed in the grocery checkout line, fast and inconsiderate drivers on the roads, being hurried when paying for a glass of wine at a theatre, and a general lack of consideration for others. One nurse described her fear of parking lots with aggressive people cutting in front of her to get a space. She added that it was not even Christmas time when this occurred. Another nurse told how she was annoyed with the materialism of Americans when many of the children in Afghanistan did not even have shoes. Some of the nurses were concerned about wasteful habits of others such as filling their plates at the hospital cafeteria’s salad bar only to throw out more than half of the food taken. Many admitted that the aforementioned behaviors bothered them after returning from war.
LIEUTENANT COLONEL DAGMAR
Dagmar, an Air Force Reserve flight nurse, stated:
The kind of nursing that you go out and do on a deployment is extreme nursing, like extreme sports. When you come home, it’s kind of hard to keep up the momentum because trivial things simply do not hold the same importance. I don’t think anything in my nursing career will come close to the “high” that I experienced in Iraq and Afghanistan. I felt tested to my limits. I bent, but I did not break! It was a very tough experience at times, but looking back now, I feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment! On the other hand, I feel that I now have zero tolerance for people back here complaining.
The other night I was at the movies, and a couple ahead of us in line was complaining about the parking, complaining about the price of tickets and popcorn, and complaining about the cost of a babysitter. I wanted to haul off and tell them they are lucky to have a car, to be free to go to a movie, and to know their kids are safe at home. People in the U.S. generally have it so good compared to people in third world or war-torn countries. They need to get a life! They were adult spoiled brats!
CAPTAIN COURTNEY
Courtney, an air force reservist, reported:
I didn’t reintegrate very well back into my civilian job. I just could not tolerate people’s whining. I could not listen to it anymore. It wasn’t our patients who were whining; it was my coworkers who were whining about their work schedules or time off. I had just come back from war, where soldiers were laying their lives on the line. Then, these other folks are whining about having to work back-to-back call. Some of the staff members were driving me nuts!
LIEUTENANT LORETTA
Loretta, a navy operating room (OR) nurse assigned to the hospital in Kandahar, Afghanistan, remarked:
I had a lot of anxiety when I came back. There was so much going on at the hospital, and it was not straightforward. It was frustrating because I’d hear about all the trivial things people were talking about, and it was just not where my mind was. People were talking about who was dating who, and when Macy’s was having its next sale, and what surgeon got in trouble for not getting a haircut. I just wasn’t into the idle gossip, and I didn’t know the people they were talking about anyway. I had just left a war zone where I worked in the OR taking care of young soldiers and marines who got shot or blown up. I helped put little kids back together again after they were innocent victims of a roadside bomb.
LIEUTENANT COLONEL JULIE
Julie, an air force reservist, described how people in her civilian job upset her and angered her.
I was angry because some coworkers seemed to incessantly whine about small stuff or inconveniences, like their schedules, or that so-and-so isn’t pulling their weight, or they are complaining about this patient, or that patient, or that they have to pull back-to-back call because someone is sick, or had a serious illness in their family. I just found this very petty and infuriating. I had a very low tolerance for coworkers whining about these little inconveniences. I had just come back from a war zone where young 20-year-old soldiers were laying their life on the line for each other, and they were working 24/7 for the U.S. and all its people, and these other folks back in the States are whining about their schedules! Some coworkers were pushing my buttons!
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